National Eating Disorder Week - Awareness is knowledge

Such an emotional topic...

Awareness is truly knowledge.

I had an active eating disorder when I was in my early 20's following my divorce. I working today to keep the disorder dormant.....the devil is always nearby .....

There are many "faces" of the devil....

Those with the devil can be normal weight, overweight or underweight.....

The devil can be very obvious or hidden....

The devil can kill.....

We are most likely aware of the more common eating disorders:

• Anorexia nervosa, often referred to simply as anorexia, is an eating disorder characterized by low weight, fear of gaining weight, and a strong desire to be thin, resulting in food restriction.
• Bulimia nervosa, also known as simply bulimia, is an eating disorder characterized by binge eating followed by purging. Binge eating refers to eating a large amount of food in a short amount of time. Purging refers to the attempts to get rid of the food consumed. This may be done by vomiting or taking laxatives.
• Compulsive Overeating is characterized as an "addiction" to food, using food and eating as a way to hide from their emotions, to fill a void they feel inside, and to cope with daily stresses and problems in their lives.
• Compulsive exercise (also called obligatory exercise and anorexia athletica) is best defined by an exercise addict's frame of mind: He or she no longer chooses to exercise but feels compelled to do so and struggles with guilt and anxiety if he or she doesn't work out.

There are other disorders to consider:

• Orthorexia is the term for a condition that includes symptoms of obsessive behavior in pursuit of a healthy diet. Orthorexia sufferers often display signs and symptoms of anxiety disorders that frequently co-occur with anorexia nervosa or other eating disorders.
• Purging disorder is an eating disorder characterized by recurrent purging (self-induced vomiting, misuse of laxatives, diuretics, or enemas) to control weight or shape in the absence of binge eating episodes.
• Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) is a serious eating disorder characterized by eating and feeding disturbances resulting in significant weight loss and other medical complication. The person may only eat a few specific foods - restricting complete nutrition. 

I continue to survive Anorexia. I have always been a self-proclaimed "perfectionist". At a young age, I remember being at Sears and Roebuck (the original name) on Salina Street (an original location) having my mother choose an awful, neon green two piece bathing suit in size 10 "chubby"!! I hated that bathing suit! I hated being "chubby" more!!!!

And so began my obsession with my weight! I was the typical yo-yo dieter. I would jump on the newest diet fad as young as 12! I would exercise and exercise and exercise!

I would lose weight and gain weight. And there journey continued through my teenage and young adult years.

I married young and separated just a few years later. In my mind I was a total failure. I was supposed to be perfect! I spun out of control and in my mind the only way to get control back was to go on a diet. That would fix everything!

This time I proclaimed my commitment to my family as I was living at home. And, once spoken, I would not fail!

I quickly restricted food. I lost weight. I began to exercise.I lost more weight. I became obsessed with food - cutting out recipes of every indulgence you could think of. I would barely eat - limiting myself to boxes of vegetables as my meals. I lost more weight....

I exercised constantly. I walked at work. I drank black coffee. I looked in the mirror and saw "chubby". In fact, I was wasting away......my lowest weight was 86.

For those never having an eating disorder it is hard to understand how the person can't just "eat". They have no idea the fear inside the victim of the devil. My body felt like it was buzzing all of the time. The devil took away my menstrual cycle. It isolated me from friends. It took over my mind and my feelings.

The devil entered my life when I was most vulnerable. It entered at a time when the disorder was not openly acknowledged. I remember my GYN trying to find a psychiatrist to help me. I remember sitting in his office trying to explain how I felt and him dozing off! This is how little was known, a the time, about the disorder and how to manage it.

I remember, around this time, a movie came out that illustrated the disease. The person in the movie would purger the little food eaten. The movie scared me - but did not scare the devil.....

Karen Carpenter died of heart failure related to her struggle with anorexia. I did nno want to die.

I went into recovery. I went to the available groups (limited as they were) to talk to others about the disorder. I forgot how to eat...eating bountiful amounts of vegetables had me forget that a simple sandwich would actually fill me. I struggled. But, eventually I overcame .....

Later I realized that the devil never leaves......the eating disorder stays within you; waiting to see if there is an opportunity to rear its' ugly head.

I relate to those struggling with addictions. Whether food, lack of food, alcohol or other drugs; recovery is continual. It is "one day at a time".

I know many who continue to survive their recovery in an eating disorder. I know many that hope their secret is hidden. I know many that ignore they are struggling.

Awareness is knowledge. It frees you to seek help; to stay focused and healthy.

I worry about those I know......there are days I worry about me. What frees me is the awareness that I am not alone.

During this week please become aware. Get knowledge for yourself and for others. Eating disorders are more common than you might think. Dig deep inside if you are struggling and know that I am here for you........